


Unpaired Endings

by idanato



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: All characters mentioned, Angst and Fluff, Anna's special thingy, Gen, Golden route, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Rejections, Unrequited Crush, Valentine's Day, an unromantic comedy, cherub claude, dumb byleth, rare pairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idanato/pseuds/idanato
Summary: In which Dorothea and Hubert attempt, and fail, to break up Edeleth on Valentine's day.(An un-romantic comedy)
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault & Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 17
Kudos: 27





	1. "SECRET" Crushes

_Oh goddess, not another Anna’s Day spent alone_ , thought Dorothea to herself sadly as she and Ferdinand enjoyed their regularly occurring Thursday tea. Anna’s Day was in theory the best holiday, a bright observation of true love for which Anna sold you over priced chocolates and gifts to spoil your beloved with. How the crafty merchant arrived at 14th Pegasus Moon, well that was easy, there were no actual holidays in Pegasus Moon, a time known for heavy snow and cold wind, and so sales slumped in that time of year. Anna invented the celebration of love so that she could celebrate her own love, making cold hard cash.

In practice, Anna’s day was the worst goddess damn holiday on the calendar when you didn’t have a significant other. Dorothea tuned out Ferdinand going on and on about how much he loved Manuela. _Oof_ , who could have seen that one coming, certainly not Dorothea. He was planning out simply the most romantic, perfect Anna’s Day for the jaded old cougar, all thanks to the sweet intel Dorothea had gotten for him. It was going to be simply marvelous, utterly melt Manuela’s heart, and would have precisely zero to do with Dorothea.

Ferdinand went on to give her the intended play by play. He planned to kick off the big day by meeting up with Manuela in the chapel for their usual morning choir practice. Ferdinand assured Dorothea there was no better way to start the day than to literally sing the praises of your girlfriend. _Eye roll_. Ferdinand then planned to take her to the kitchens where he would prepare her a special brunch. _Sigh_. The afternoon was to be spent with him giving her a manicure. _Barf_. It would culminate in a delicious dinner followed by a starlit walk and at the end a very heartfelt declaration of love and hopes for the future. Ferdinand shyly showed Dorothea the simply exquisite engagement ring he has himself learned the art of jewel smithing to forge. Dorothea attempted to contain her feelings, Manuela was _her_ Divine Songstress and Ferdinand was _her_ busy bee, and now the two of them were locked in a beautiful romance.

Dorothea reminded herself that it was no use being green with envy, because red had always been her signature color. Red, for love. Red, for passion. Red, for her house. Red, for conquest. Red, for heat and flame. Red, for magic circles lit up on the battle field. Red, for blood — Dorothea stopped herself and worried she was spending too much time around Hubie these days.

She smiled broadly, and thanked her years of stage training for the convincing state of her face, “Good luck Ferdie!” Damn their wedding was going to be amazing. _Fuck_.

After finishing up tea with Ferdie, Dorothea traced her way down the main hall of Garreg Mach and ran into Petra. Oh wonderful Petra, so sweet and smart and kind and what the heck was on her finger? “Is that, is that an engagement ring?” Dorothea felt a jolt go through her. Who the hell was courting Petra without Dorothea knowing? Dorothea made it her business to know all her friends business, what the hell.

“Oh! Dorothea, excellent news, Caspar has been proposing to me!”

Caspar was courting Petra? His father killed her father! Dorothea felt her mouth was agape; that was never a good look. Tiki’s tits! What the hell? “Congratulations?”

“Thank you, it was most surprising,” said Petra pleasantly as she stared at the beautiful ring. Dorothea hugged Petra and wondered how she had missed Caspar courting her best friend, although as she thought about it, Caspar was pretty dense and oblivious, maybe his version of courting was also under the radar. Petra was also unfamiliar with Fodlan customs, she could probably easily be courted in an odd way. They did spend a lot of time training together, did that actually count?

“I’m surprised he didn’t wait until tomorrow,” said Dorothea. What unromantic moron proposed the day _before_ Anna’s Day?

Petra smiled and shrugged, “He was being too excited. Anyway, we are making ambitious Anna’s Day plans, we will be training together all day!”

Of course they were. Maybe this wasn’t such an odd pair after all. Dorothea tried to look cheerful despite her shock, “Well I hope you both have a lot of fun!”

Dorothea pressed forward as quick as she could, thank the Goddess she was almost out of here, lest another engagement ring grenade go off. She practically tripped over Linhardt on her way out, “Oh, Lin I’m so sorry, I didn’t even see you there.”

Linhardt looked up at her in surprise and let her help him up. He dusted himself off and shrugged, “I suppose the main entrance doorway was a poor nap spot choice on my part. I’m glad it was you running me over and not someone like Dedue or Raphael I suppose.”

Dorothea laughed and apologized again. She looked down at the market and saw that the line for Anna’s stall was extra long as everyone rushed for their last minute gifts, “How do you feel about Anna’s Day?” Surely Lin would have some cynical commentary to lift her spirits, there was no way he could like something as frivolous as—

“Oh I’m taking Bernadetta to my favorite fishing spot, I think she’ll love painting it,” said Lin with content.

“You, you’re taking Bern, to,” Dorothea stuttered.

“Yes, we both enjoy doing our solitary hobbies together, it’s nice,” said Lin with a fond smile.

Dorothea caught her jaw before it hit the ground. First Ferdinand and Manuela, then Petra and Caspar, and now Linhardt and Bernadetta! What the hell was going on, was someone dosing up tea cups with love potions? Who in Fodlan would be responsible for such maniacal magical meddling? She face palmed as she realized there could only be one possible culprit, however unlikely, capable of such villainous behavior.

“Hubert von Vestra, what game are you playing?” Dorothea demanded as she burst into Hubert’s dorm room.

He looked up at her in shock, “Did you just kick in my door?” He was at his desk doing busy work, just like him to cover his mischief with an alibi. He was too sneaky, he’d never let himself get caught doing something so utterly evil.

“How are you doing it, aphrodisiacs? Pheromones?”

“I assure you, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Hubert as he folded his arms in annoyance. He paused, “What are you talking about anyway?”

Dorothea crossed her own arms and frowned back at him, “Manuela and Ferdie, Lin and Bernie, Petra and Caspar!”

“You’re just naming people that last I checked were all alive and well, why are you bothering me about them?”

Dorothea threw her arms up in frustration, “They’re all pairing off for Anna’s Day!”

“Oh that commercial drivel,” sighed Hubert with disgust. “So they’re courting, what do I have to do with that?”

“Have you been poisoning people with love potions?”

Hubert stared at her in disbelief, “There’s no such thing as a love potion, no matter what that suspicious saleswoman might have told you—”

Dorothea grabbed him by the jacket, “And how do you know that? Have you looked into making your own?”

Hubert froze in shock and Dorothea swore he had the palest pink blush about his cheeks. It was quickly gone and replaced with a scowl, “Don’t be ridiculous. I have merely looked into them as a means of, um, protecting Lady Edelgard from any unworthy suitors. Why on earth would I mess around with such fluffy fantastical nonsense? Tell me, has the stress of this so called holiday caused you to lose your mind?”

Dorothea realized she was acting slightly crazy and released Hubert. She paced his room in a fury, “If not you, who? Could this be Claude?”

“You’re giving him too much credit,” scoffed Hubert. “Have you considered perhaps these poor fools just like each other?”

Dorothea collapsed on his bed dramatically, “I hate Anna’s Day.”

“As do I, now, please get off my bed,” said Hubert in a cool tone.

Dorothea hugged Hubert’s pillow to her chest and stared at the ceiling, “I just, I don’t understand how I’m spending yet another Anna’s Day alone while all my friends pair off.”

“Poor you.” Hubert sighed at her, “Who, pray tell, would you wish to be spending tomorrow with?”

 _Byleth_. Those beautiful minty eyes, that mysterious blank expression, those strong rippling muscles and confusing desire not to thread their arms through their sleeves. Dorothea was enchanted. She had flirted, she had teased, hell she would get down on her knees but the professor seemed completely impervious to her artillery of charms. That ability to keep her at arms length when everyone else seemed to want to take her in close, it was driving her insane! “If I tell you, you have to tell me who you want to spend Anna’s Day with.”

“You misunderstand my interest level,” started Hubert.

“Fine you got me, it’s the professor!” confessed Dorothea as she rolled over and began to sob into his pillow. She sniffled and peeled her head up to look at him for emotional support. Hubert was staring at her, perplexed. Dorothea wiped her nose a bit on his pillow, “Now you have to tell me who you like.”

“No, please unhand my pillow and get out of here,” said Hubert. He was looking extra annoyed with her.

“Hubie,” she cried, “I just revealed the deepest desires of my heart to you, and you’re not going to hold up your end of the deal?” She swallowed and hiccuped, “Oh whatever, I know what your answer is.”

“You do not,” challenged Hubert.

“It’s Edie,” sobbed Dorothea. Edie, powerful perfect Edie who was openly flirting and ca-noodling with Byleth. Goddess was Hubert suffering as much as Dorothea was right now? Dorothea dropped her face back onto the pillow and let out all her pent up unrequited love in the form of big salty tears.

Hubert came over and wrestled his pillow away from her, and pressed his monogrammed handkerchief into her hands, “Stop defiling my pillow with your feelings.”

“Sorry,” blubbered Dorothea between nose blows. She stared at Hubert, “But it is true isn’t it? You do love Edie.”

Hubert rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of his bed, “I suppose if the choice between love and hate, my feelings are much closer to love.”

“I knew it!” said Dorothea as she sat up. She poked him right in the chest, “You can’t hide your heart from me.”

Hubert glared at her. His voice turned into a low growl, “Obviously I love her!” Hubert stood up and it was his turn to pace while holding his head in his hands, “I have devoted my life to her, who on earth would possibly think I hate her? I have been in love with her for almost twenty years!” At the mention of the duration of this deeply held adoration his face grew red and embarrassed by the emotional outburst.

Hubert looked mortified that he had said anything at all. He cleared his throat and set his face back into a fearsome frown. This did nothing to deter Dorothea. She wasn’t embarrassed, no, she felt vindicated. Their totally secret crushes couldn’t hook up with each other! It wasn’t right. “Are you ever going to tell her how in love you are with her?”

“No! Are you going to tell the professor how gaga you are for them?” retorted Hubert.

Dorothea felt her lip quivering, “If we don’t tell them they’re going to start courting each other because they’ll never know how we felt!”

Hubert had grown quiet as he stared at the floor. “I suppose that would be unfavorable to both our feelings on the matter.”

“Hubie, we have to help each other. Tomorrow, we’ll distract them from each other by finally telling them our feelings,” said Dorothea hopefully she grabbed his shoulder and stretched out one arm as if to show him the possible happy endings they could have, “Edie will be so blindsided by your heartfelt confession she’ll drop the professor, and I’ll swoop in to clean up the mess!”

Hubert was rubbing his chin in thought, “Admittedly my tactics of trying to threaten the professor have gotten me nowhere. Perhaps if we did work together we could turn this stupid fake holiday in our favor.”

A small shoulder Mercedes appeared to warn Dorothea that this might not be the most ethical or nice thing to do, but Dorothea gave her a swift flick and sent her flying into oblivion. That just left her and Hubert hatching a sinister plot to steal the respective objects of their affections from the arms of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cameo by Shoulder Mercedes, inspired by @RoaringTurtle's hilarious Shoulder Mercedes and Shoulder Hubert: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21291629/chapters/50700341


	2. Armed with Gifts

They were at the very end of the line for Anna’s cart. Well, almost the end. One last minute gift seeking asshole was behind them. “Hubert, I really didn’t take you for the Anna’s Day type,” chuckled Sylvain.

“I’m not, this isn’t what it looks like,” insisted Hubert as he stared ahead at the cart. They watched as Alois walked off with his arms full of flowers.

“Well the dark merchant line is over there,” said Sylvain pointing. “This line is for hopeless romantics such as myself.”

“I think you’re just plain hopeless,” said Hubert under his breath.

“Hubert, you’re standing in the way of my dreams and giving me nightmares,” said Sylvain dramatically.

“Stop trying to cut in front of me,” hissed Hubert as they inched forward at a glacial pace.

Sylvain pouted, his scheme clearly figured out. He poked Dorothea, “Who’s your Anna’s Day sweetheart, is it me?”

“No it’s not you,” said Dorothea as she rolled her eyes. He had piqued her curiosity though, and Dorothea turned around to look at him, “Who are you buying a gift for?”

Sylvain tucked his hands behind his head and wiggled his eyebrows at her, “Oh, I’m arming myself with multiple gifts for tomorrow. Pretty much anyone I run into is going to be my sweetheart.”

Dorothea and Hubert groaned in unison. Hubert scoffed, “I’ll make a point not to cross your path then.”

“Okay, maybe not just anyone,” amended Sylvain as he looked the mage up and down. He winked at Dorothea, “Only sexy people.”

“Do you wish to be hexed, this is how you get hexed,” hissed Hubert as his gloves started to come off.

“Hubie, we’re getting close, we need to strategize, just ignore him,” insisted Dorothea as she tried to avert diplomatic incident. The peace between the three nations and the church was on thin ice, the last thing she needed was Hubert starting another five year war over this holiday. She knew he was one more forced sky watch away from burning this place to the ground.

“I’m getting her favorite flowers, red carnations,” said Hubert in a low whisper. “And some Bergamot tea for good measure.” He said it like he was prepping for a battle not a romantic declaration of love.

“Smart,” nodded Dorothea. “I’m thinking chocolates.”

“That’s a little pedestrian don’t you think?” asked Hubert. As he said it Catherine walked by with an imposingly large goddess statue.

“Seriously Mr. Flowers and Tea?” demanded Dorothea as they got a little closer. She was looking worriedly at the cart as it emptied, “Hopefully there will be flowers and chocolate left by the time we get up there. Cichol’s cock, why did we wait so long!”

Just in front of them Seteth turned to give Dorothea a horrified stare, “What was that sacrilegious slang you just used?”

Dorothea blushed, “I am so sorry Seteth, I, uh, old habit.” Thank goodness she didn’t say Seiros’ Sac or Cethleann’s Clit! “I’ll uh, I’ll use Nemesis’ Nuts from now on!”

“Perhaps we’d all be better off if you didn’t use language like that at all,” sighed Seteth, clearly put off by all the foul sayings she’d picked up as a street urchin on the streets of Enbarr.

Goddess’ Gonads that was a close call. Dorothea tried to change the subject, “Seteth, who’s your sweetheart?”

“Oh, I always get Flayn a gift,” started Seteth.

“Funny I’m also getting Flayn a gift,” called Sylvain from behind them. Hubert and Dorothea quietly cut the line a bit as Seteth jumped out to chase Sylvain around the marketplace.

Marianne finished her transaction (horseshoes…) and finally Hubert and Dorothea were at the front of the line. The pickings were slim. “Red carnations?” tried Hubert with a rare hint of hope in his voice.

Anna sucked in a breath, “I have no flowers left.”

Hubert cursed while Dorothea clasped her hands together in prayer, “Chocolates?”

“Last box, dark chocolate with assorted fillings,” said Anna as she grabbed it. “Last chance sir, what’ll it be?”

“Bergamot tea?” Hubert sounded desperate.

“Fresh out of all tea,” shrugged Anna. She looked at Dorothea, “That’ll be 800.”

“For a box of chocolates, that’s outrageous!” cried Dorothea. Sure, wars drove up inflation but this was right out.

“Supply and demand honey,” smiled Anna. Her coin purse looked ready to burst it was so loaded.

Dorothea opened her wallet and was met with the echoing howl of not enough gold. “Uh, um, Hubie, could you spot me some money for this?”

Hubert grumbled as he paid for Dorothea’s gift, “I can’t believe I just bought someone sweets for Anna’s Day.” He paused and looked at what was leftover on the scant cart, “What’s that thing?”

“Oh, uh, that’s my special thingy,” winked Anna. “It’s a, uh, massager. That’s sure to please anyone for Anna’s Day!”

“Fine, I’ll take that,” said Hubert before Dorothea could stop him from buying the suspiciously phallic magenta colored object.

Dorothea cleared her throat as they walked away from Anna’s cart, “Hubie, did you just buy Edelgard a personal massager for Anna’s Day?”

Hubert looked in his bag and shrugged, clearly not recognizing the thing for what it was, “She’s often very stressed, I think a massager sounds like the perfect gift for letting off a little steam and relaxing.”

Dorothea decided it best not to ruin his good mood by telling him it was a sex toy.

***

Hubert and Dorothea schemed in the dining hall that evening. “We have to get to them before they get to each other,” said Hubert carefully as he watched Edelgard and Byleth chatting with Claude and Dimitri over their meals. The lords were all annoying chummy after peacefully resolving the war. Hubert could scarcely believe everyone had agreed to repeat the last year of school at Garreg Mach in order to graduate. They had been generals in a war for crying out loud, this whole repeating the school year five years later was nostalgic nonsense.

“Do you think Claude and Dimitri are dating—” started Dorothea.

“Focus on the mission Arnault,” said Hubert harshly. “We only have to worry about them if they move to merge their territories and declare war on Adrestia.”

“Okay calm down,” said Dorothea rolling her eyes. “We need to corner Edie and the professor by afternoon tea time tomorrow or we’ll lose our chance. Maybe we should catch them at lunch time.”

“No, breakfast is the obvious choice,” said Hubert as he tapped his index fingers together. Might as well surprise them as soon as possible, who knew what stupid outings they might be planning.

“Obviously not,” said Dorothea. “Breakfast is the least romantic meal of the day.”

“Really, I would think breakfast in bed is the most romantic way to wake up,” muttered Hubert under his breath as he quietly ignored his fantasy of bringing a tray of maple syrup drenched waffles to a crimson satin negligee wearing Edelgard. In this little reverie she always whispered something sexy like, _“Hubert, I think I’d like to try your coffee today.”_ Fuck. Focus Hubert.

“Sexy breakfast is for the day _after_ Anna’s day,” hissed Dorothea knowingly. “No, dinner is the main affair tomorrow.”

Hubert didn’t really want to admit to Dorothea that he had almost no knowledge of what Anna’s Day was supposed to be like. He’d essentially ignored the holiday for the last decade in a mix of silent protest and gripping fear of rejection. He knew people exchanged cards, but he’d never gotten or given one. Hell, Hubert was pushing 26 and had never been kissed, this was really not his forte.

“Hubie, Dorothea,” said Hilda jovially as she sauntered over with a clipboard, “Can I interest you in my secret admirer services?”

“Excuse me?” asked Hubert suspiciously.

“For a small fee, I’ll discretely deliver your secret crush a love note with a lollipop tomorrow,” winked Hilda. “Well, at least I organize it, I get my minions to do the delivering. That way things are more likely to stay a secret!”

“Two please,” said Dorothea before Hubert could stop her. Dorothea bit her lip and looked at Hilda, “Do you think you could give us a few minutes to write these notes? This is kind of private.”

“Oh certainly,” beamed Hilda as she passed them two long slips of pink paper.

“What on earth were you thinking?” demanded Hubert. “Now Hilda will know our darkest secrets—”

“Shh! Look, we’re going to send anonymous tips to trick them into meeting up with us! You write one to the professor, and I’ll write one to Edie, that way Hilda won’t suspect what’s really up,” smiled Dorothea as she started to write. “Plus this isn’t really a dark secret Hubie, everyone knows you love Edie.”

“And everyone knows you lust after the professor,” he grumbled. Hubert stared at his paper and furrowed his brow. “What are you writing?”

Dorothea cleared her throat, “Dear Edie, Eagles are Red, Lions are Blue, I know who has a crush on you! Come to your homeroom at 11:30 am to find out.”

Hubert began to scratch out his message, “To Byleth: There’s many fish in the sea, but only one for thee. If you wish to know, meet me at the pond at 11 am.” Might as well see how Dorothea’s luck faired before trying his own. If she failed with the professor there was no flipping way he was going to go after Edelgard.

Hilda came back, “Wonderful, that will be 400, each.” Dorothea gave Hubert and apologetic look. He groaned and took out his wallet.


	3. A Supports Unlocked

**Dining hall**

“You actually found red carnations?” demanded Dorothea as she sat down next to Hubert.

“I might have _liberated_ them from the greenhouse,” admitted Hubert as he guarded the bouquet he’d carefully arranged himself in the early hours of the morning. Flowers were the hottest commodity today, and he had seen random students shaking each other down trying to steal each others gifts. Mushy chaos was gripping Garreg Mach and it was every fool for themselves right now. “Hilda’s notes should be delivered soon.” He sipped his big mug of coffee, which was doing nothing to ease his nerves.

Dorothea wolfed down her sausage and bagel while Hubert quietly observed the professor. They were just sitting while slowly enjoying some orange juice and a just the right temperature bowl of porridge. As usual, the professor didn’t seem to be looking at anything, or anyone, in particular. They were just pleasantly occupying their own little world as if listening to an interesting conversation inside their head. While the professor had eyes for no one, many people were looking at the professor though with longing. Hubert still didn’t get the appeal.

Edelgard was pleasantly chatting with Lysithea at a different table. The professor and Edelgard weren’t sitting together for the sexiest meal of the day (in his opinion anyway, sausage and bagels, come on Dorothea, breakfast could be down right pornographic), and that filled Hubert’s heart with a strange mix of hope and anticipation. Maybe they weren’t courting at all, maybe this really was his narrow window to jump through and make his move. Was Dorothea really going to get him to do this confession today? This was a twenty year old crush he was nursing in his poor hardened heart. Hell, Lysithea was being born when Hubert was first developing feelings for Edelgard. Was this Anna’s Day really when things might magically turn in his favor?

Hilda’s ‘minions’ entered the dining hall and elicited a mix of horror and glee. Hubert stared as Claude strummed a lute, dressed in only a pair of tighty whiteys and fake wings, and sang to get everyone’s attention, “Secret admirers lend me your ears, send your notes and abandon your fears! Trust your love with the Golden Deers!”

Lorenz burst through another door dressed in a tuxedo with a big red rose pinned to his chest and began producing long pink notes with little lollipops attached to them from a large red sack. “Candygrams!”

Hubert was staring at Edelgard as Lorenz pulled out a whole bunch of notes for her. It did not surprise him that she had a bunch of admirers. His heart began to race, what if she lost the note written on his behalf? Or worse, what if she was just interested in another offer more? Hubert looked at the professor to ignore those possible outcomes. The professor had also received a vast amount of notes. They didn’t really react much as they began to read through the big pile one note at a time. Their expression betrayed nothing.

Dorothea looked horrified by this. Her mood was not helped as Claude put one foot up on their table and strummed his instrument, “Arnault, you got so many we had to get an adjunct minion to bring them.”

As he said it, Raphael came and deposited a large sack of candy in front of Dorothea. Hubert rolled his eyes, why was she so worried? He was the one who was going to die alone. Even if the professor wasn’t interested in Dorothea, clearly a good chunk of the school was. Hubert didn’t even bother to ask Claude if he was getting any. Hubert didn’t have admirers, let alone secret ones. To his surprise Claude pulled a lollipop from who knew where and shoved it in Hubert’s face, “And even one for you Hubie.”

Hubert mumbled his shocked thanks as he clutched at the unexpected gesture.

Dorothea smacked him, “Who is it from?”

The note was short and sweet: “ _Everyone deserves an Anna’s Day Treat, <3 The Golden Deer House_”. The lollipop was dark brown, and smelled like coffee. This might have been the single nicest thing anyone who wasn’t in the Black Eagle House had ever done for him. Before Hubert could look up to express his sincere thanks, the Anna’s Day minions had already moved on to give huge piles of candy to various Blue Lions.

Hubert had never eaten a lollipop before. He found it pleasant, albeit a little sweet. Dorothea was sucking on a red one from her pile as her eyes darted between Edelgard and the professor.

“We should get out of here,” whispered Hubert feeling panicked. “What if they ask us our opinions on the notes?”

“What no, we have to encourage them to show up,” hissed Dorothea.

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to maintain my composure,” whispered Hubert. His hands were starting to sweat inside his gloves.

“It’s called acting,” said Dorothea with confidence.

To Hubert’s immense relief, Edelgard took her pile of lollipops and went on with her day. He sighed and sipped his coffee as he watched the professor rise, and cut a path to him. “Hubert, is this your handwriting?”

Hubert looked at the fishing pond note and swallowed his big gulp of coffee. Was there even a point to lying? Of course the professor recognized his signature scrawl, they had to grade the dumb assignments they kept giving him. Hubert had weaknesses: axes, flying, and faith, yet the professor seemed to want him to become some sort of wyvern lord bishop. No.

Hubert cleared his throat and tried to hold the professor’s blank stare, “Yes.”

Dorothea was practically falling out of her chair as she mouthed, ‘ _NO!_ ’.

The professor took a seat, “Hubert, I’m not sure I understand. Are you trying to tell me you’re a secret admirer of mine?”

Hubert took a deep breath and tried to think of a strategy to salvage this. He had nothing. “As you know, I have dedicated my life to Lady Edelgard. So to be your secret admirer is inconceivable.” He watched as Byleth’s expression fell, and Hubert quickly held up his sweaty gloved hand, “But, if I had two lives to give, I _might_ devote one of them to you.” He also might not, but no need to say that.

The professor’s eyes seemed to crinkle almost fondly, a blush spreading across their face. “This is a pleasant Anna’s Day surprise Hubert.”

“Yes, we could be like a couple of birds, flying alongside the sovereign of Black Eagles,” said Hubert romantically as he pretended to watch them in formation. He laced his fingers together, “However, as I said, Lady Edelbird — I mean Edelgard — and I are very close. We have known each other far longer than you have known the Emperor, and we have a very special bond.” He wished he could drive that point home to his rival.

Byleth was nodding along to his words. Hubert had to figure out how to get Byleth to the pond for Dorothea, she was literally trying to climb into her sack of lollipops to hide, “Anyway, I did write that note, but on behalf of a rather nervous admirer of yours. This person desires to meet you privately at the fishing pond.”

“Why didn’t they just write one themselves?”

“Their hands, were, full, of, um, fish,” lied Hubert as convincingly as he could. “Yep. Fish hands, major case of it.”

“Oh I know all about fish hands,” sighed Byleth. They gave Dorothea a pointed look that could be read many ways: “I know it’s you”, “Hubert’s a liar right?”, or “I’m still hungry.”

The professor rose, “Well, then I guess I’ll be going to the pond to meet this mysterious person. Have a great Anna’s Day, both of you.”

Hubert and Dorothea plastered big fake smiles on their faces as they waved off the professor. Dorothea’s eyebrows were trying to leave her forehead they were raised so high, “Hubie, fish hands?”

“I’m nervous,” snapped Hubert heatedly. “It was your idea to swap the notes, not mine!”

“They’re going to think it’s Flayn,” moaned Dorothea as she brought her not fish hands up to hide her face.

Hubert conceded that might be true but attempted optimism, “But, they said they were going to show, so.”

Dorothea’s face brightened at that.

**The Pond**

The professor was either super late or not coming at all. Dorothea was miserable as she and Hubert hid behind some clutter by the stairs that came down from the dining hall. Dorothea didn’t want to admit that maybe she had been wrong, maybe this plan utterly sucked. Maybe they were interfering with other peoples’ beautiful relationships and the Goddess was thwarting them. She also didn’t want to tell Hubert that his coffee flavored lollipop had stained his mouth totally brown.

“So what are you going to say to Edie?” she tried to distract herself from the lack of the professor at the pond.

“I’m going to plainly state my feelings,” sighed Hubert reluctantly.

Dorothea gestured for him to elaborate. Hubert looked especially nervous, which wasn’t a look she was used to seeing on him. This was a guy who walked onto the battlefield like he was preparing to clean up Dorothea’s room: annoyed but not intimidated by all that heavy furniture. This was a guy who regularly thwarted at least three political assassination attempts before he had his morning coffee. This was a guy who looked positively terrified by his own feelings, “Well, I suppose love just doesn’t cover everything I feel.” He cleared his throat, “I have many feelings for Lady Edelgard. Gratitude, respect, awe, empathy, trust, hope—”

Dorothea cracked open one of her chocolates, “Hubie, this is you, tough tempered dark exterior, gooey center.” It oozed with caramel.

Hubert scoffed as he picked his binoculars back up, “If you eat all of those how are you going to give them to the professor?”

“Oh shut up,” sighed Dorothea as she ate it. It was helping her feel less awful about this stupid day. Maybe she should have gone with a bouquet like Hubert, that was less tempting to munch on. “I don’t think they’re coming.” That hurt to admit. They weren’t even going to let her down in person, they were just ignoring her completely. Dorothea comforted herself with another chocolate.

Hubert checked his watch, “They’re only, well, twenty minutes late.”

Dorothea groaned. “I’m going to go sit on the dock, you should go confess your adoration to Edie.”

“Are you going to be okay?” He honestly seemed concerned. “Maybe I should just stay here.”

“Hubie no, you have to go tell her,” begged Dorothea. This wasn’t about her anymore, clearly the professor wasn’t interested. But Hubert, he needed to reveal his heart to Edelgard or he was always going to regret it. Dorothea could picture future her and Hubert, bitter lonely spinsters sobbing over vodka shots while sitting together at Edelgard and the professor’s magnificent Imperial wedding because they were the only sad saps without a +1.

“Are you positive? I think you might need me to provide some gambit support—” started Hubert.

“Go Hubie! Sweep her off her feet, carry her off into the sunset,” sang Dorothea with her arms outstretched. “Seize the day!” She was going to seize herself some more chocolates and make use of Hubert’s stolen handkerchief.

Hubert looked like he might throw up as he nodded. Usually Hubert had a ridiculous battle quote or an evil cackle to boost his own spirits, but right now he had nothing. Dorothea gave him a weak thumbs up even though she was not feeling so great herself. This had been a critical blow to her heart.

***

Dorothea didn’t know it but the Professor was currently chatting up Linhardt and Bernadetta at a different fishing pond. They would spend Anna’s Day going to each and every pond dotting the massive Garreg Mach property checking for their secret admirer. They did of course have to test out every pond while they were out, who knew what kind of great fish might be lurking beneath the serene waters?

“Thanks for spending Anna’s Day with me,” said Sothis, even though they spent every moment together anyway.

**Black Eagles Homeroom**

Edelgard turned in surprise as Hubert entered the homeroom, “Oh Hubert, it’s just you.” She almost seemed relieved by his appearance.

“Were you expecting someone else?” asked Hubert carefully, red carnations hidden behind his back. His heart was beating so hard he could hear the blood pounding in his ears.

Edelgard looked conflicted, “Honestly, I got the strangest note this morning from a secret admirer, although I was sure it was Dorothea’s handwriting.”

“Ah, I imagine you have many secret admirers Lady Edelgard,” said Hubert as he looked at the floor and resisted his urge to turn bright red. He was starting to sweat again, this was so not good. _Be brave Hubert, focus on the possibility of coffee and waffles tomorrow morning_.

Edelgard smiled and sighed, “This is silly. I don’t even know why I’m here, curiosity I suppose. But apparently my secret admirer would like to remain such.”

“They may just be nervous, intimidated by your stately presence,” said Hubert with great care not to reveal the trembling in his voice. “Secrets as guarded as that are very difficult to share.”

Edelgard bit her lip as she folded up the pink note and tucked it into her pocket, “True. I know you keep your share of secrets from me.”

Hubert kept his eyes on the floor. It was a fair assessment, “My secrets. They are mere trifles I assure you, barely worth your consideration.” She was a ruler, a fighter, what cares might she possibly hold for the whims of his weak heart?

Edelgard sighed, “As your Emperor, I respect and value your hard work. You’ve earned your privacy. But, as your friend Hubert, I really wish you would let me in. You know I trust you, I just wish you would trust me too.”

“Of course I trust you,” said Hubert as he finally met her stare. She looked placid, not angry or annoyed with him, and he felt a small rise of hope in his chest, “It appears you have me caught; whatever secrets I have, they’re yours to know if you wish. The assassins I’ve quietly removed, the gold I’ve used on bribes, even the identity of the one I love.” He held her gaze, wishing she would understand and see into his heart so he wouldn’t have to state it so plainly that it was her. He knew his face was trained not to show emotions but for just once he wished it would betray him so he wouldn’t have to struggle to find the right words to say. When he was ten and running away from home, when he was twenty following her to war, and now here when all of that was safely in the past and their lives could finally begin… all he’d ever wanted: it had always been her.

“Wait a minute,” said Edelgard in clear shock. “Are you saying you have romantic feelings for someone?”

“Yes,” said Hubert softly. “Although that is one secret I have always hoped to keep from you.”

“Well that’s utter nonsense! You can’t possibly keep something so fascinating from me!” Edelgard seemed delighted. Hubert wasn’t sure why she would find his romantic predilections particularly intriguing. Why was it always such a surprise to people that he might feel love just as intensely as them? She looked eager, “Who is it?”

She clearly had no idea how he felt. Hubert’s stomach did a little weird flip as if to yell, “ _Retreat!_ ”, but his idiotically brave heart was cheering, “ _Coffee, waffles!_ ”. He hated gambling but here he went, “It is you, Lady Edelgard.” Her reaction was, to put it bluntly, not particularly encouraging. She looked shocked and surprised. Hubert’s voice cracked like a treacherous bastard, “Did you ever really doubt that?”

“Heh, Hubert,” chuckled Edelgard weakly as if trying to find her own voice. “You, you never cease to surprise me.”

Hubert forced a laugh to hide the total heart based desolation gripping him. She didn’t know it but she’d just launched the pillars of light at his soul. “A poor attempt at an Anna’s Day joke on my part your majesty.” He swallowed uneasily and pretended to see something unexpected behind Edelgard, “Oh what could that possibly be over there?” Edelgard turned to look, and Hubert did the only thing he could think to do. He panic-warped to a spot no one would ever think to look for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hubert, dude, I'm so sorry. That A support convo does not seem promising for him.


	4. Misery Loves Company

Dorothea dragged her sad sack full of lollipops to the Black Eagles homeroom to read all the notes. Anything to make herself feel better about this rejection from the professor. She was secretly hoping that Edelgard and Hubert were going to be making out on Byleth’s desk, but no such luck. The Emperor was searching around the room appearing increasingly alarmed. “Oh Dorothea! I got your note,” she pulled the paper out.

Dorothea’s eyebrows knit together, “Did Hubert not show?” She swore if that mage chickened out—

“He was here, and then he disappeared,” said Edelgard as she bit her lip with concern. “I think, well I don’t know what to think actually. He surprised me quite a bit.”

“What did he say?”

Edelgard swallowed, “I don’t know if I should really be telling you, it’s private.”

Dorothea sighed and spoke in a disgruntled monotone, “He’s hopelessly in love with you Edie. Completely devoted. He trusts you, he’s grateful, he respects you, hell, he’s in awe of you. You fill him with hope.” Dorothea wondered if she had remembered all the lovely words that had poured from Hubert when confronted with his feelings. Words she wished someone would feel for her when all her lollipop notes were utterly trite in comparison.

Edelgard sighed and rubbed her temples, “I don’t think my response to his love confession did much to fill him with any hope.”

“Oh,” whispered Dorothea as she took a seat. Poor Hubert, critically wounded and retreating as usual. “Lollipop?”

Edelgard nodded and joined her, “I sincerely hope I have not damaged my friendship with Hubert. It’s just, his feelings are so much more,” her voice trailed off.

“Operatic?” offered Dorothea.

The emperor nodded glumly as she ate a strawberry flavored lollipop. “I love Hubert, but the romantic side of my heart belongs to another.” She looked incredibly sad, “Perhaps if I had never met Byleth I would feel differently for him, but as it stands, I just feel like the professor and I are so much more than friends.” She paused, “Hubert and the Professor are both like my family, they both share my burdens, but with the Professor, I can’t imagine them not by my side.”

Dorothea frowned as her heart hurt for herself as she listened to how deep Edelgard’s feelings ran for the professor. Who was she to try and scheme them into a schism? Dorothea’s heart also hurt for Hubert, “Trust me, I get being all over the professor, but seriously, you can imagine having Hubert _not_ by your side?” Who was going to do her complicated hairdo, who was going to make sure her cape was steamed and ironed, who was going to prioritize her tea time schedule so that friends like Dorothea were always bumped ahead of flirty cretins like Sylvain?!

Edelgard smiled sadly, “Now that the war is done, I want Hubert to choose his own path. He’s always been in my shadow, I want him to leave it and go live his own life. I want him to do things because he wants to, not just because I want them.” She sighed, “Whereas with the professor, I feel like they have always stood by my side and not behind me. Hubert will never see himself as my equal, and that’s impossible to accept in a romantic partner.”

Dorothea ate her fifth lollipop that day as she considered Edie’s words. “Hubert’s never going to leave you.” Dorothea paused and smirked, “You’re going to have to command him to marry someone else to get him off your back.”

Edelgard returned Dorothea’s teasing look, “Oh, really? Are you interested in volunteering for this special mission?”

Dorothea blushed and shook her head, “No, but I should probably go find him. It was my idea that he tell you how he felt, I think I owe him my shoulder to cry on right now.”

“Hubert doesn’t cry at much, I’m sure he’s taking things in stride,” said Edelgard, although she did not sound confident about that at all. “He’ll be fine! Probably.”

***

No Hubert in the library, no Hubert in his room. He was not in the green house. He was not at the pond. He was not loitering in the marketplace. Every shadowy alcove, every dark corner, all empty. Dorothea aimlessly wandered by the tea gazebos and tried to ignore all the couples giving heart eyes to each other. She decided from now on she was boycotting Anna completely in protest of creating this awful day.

Dorothea had looked up and down and all around Garreg Mach and found absolutely no sign of Hubert. Maybe he had gone to the dark side of the moon. She sat on a little bench looking at the damn Goddess Tower.

“Screw you Goddess Tower,” she hissed as she remembered camping out as a student to surprise Byleth. That had clearly gone well.

She heard a quiet sniffle coming from somewhere but she didn’t see anyone. She looked up and saw two big familiar feet hanging off the roof of the cathedral. “Hubert?”

It took her a long time to get up to the roof, “Hubie? How did you even get up here?”

“I warped,” whispered Hubert. He was laying back looking up at the sky with his sad wilting bouquet clutched to his chest. He looked terrible.

“I thought you were afraid of heights,” she said as she carefully made her way to him.

“I am, but, I’ve already done thing that I’ve been most afraid of in the world, what’s a little heights in comparison to telling Edelgard the depths of my affections?” croaked Hubert. His normally pale skin was blotchy and his face was especially wet. “What was I thinking? I know how she feels about the professor, she tells me about it all the time, and yet—”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you,” said Dorothea. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” murmured Hubert. His breath fluttered as he spoke, “It’s good to have it off my chest. Now I really know this is hopeless.”

“I really thought she was going to jump into your arms and the two of you would warp off to a happily ever after,” sighed Dorothea. “And then I’d be there to console the professor.” She paused, feeling extra bad about trying to break apart true love for their own selfish gains. “Hubie, are we pathetic?” asked Dorothea. “All I wanted was to not spend another Anna’s day alone.”

Hubert sighed and passed her the bouquet that he was never going to give to his lady, “We can be alone together.”

Dorothea smelled the fresh bouquet picked just that morning and sighed, “Come on Hubie, let’s get off this roof.”

They hid out in her room to avoid the mushy confessions of love exploding all over the monastery. Hubert landed face down on her bed and made Dorothea’s favorite pillow soggy with his heartbreak. She supposed that was karma. “Hubie, do you want some chocolate?”

“Okay,” murmured Hubert as he accepted the candied apology.

“I didn’t think you liked sweets,” said Dorothea as she ate her own.

“It’s dark chocolate, it’s bitter, just like me,” he whispered. He had made himself hoarse from crying too much.

She dumped all her lollipops on the floor and started sorting out the notes; those from friends, those from admirers that liked her heart, and those from admirers that liked the two big things right over her heart. Dorothea tried reading him the worst of the lollipop notes to pick up Hubert’s spirits, “Roses are red, violets are blue, I can’t pick my favorite thing about you, because there are two.” She showed him the drawing of boobs where a name ought to have been.

“I’ll poison the sender for you,” offered Hubert weakly as he got out Anna’s secret thingy. He began using it on his neck.

Dorothea sighed, “Hubert, you know that’s a dildo right?”

Hubert didn’t pause as he nodded, “Whatever. You should try it, it works great.”

She did and found that Anna’s special secret thingy did in fact give a great massage wherever it was applied.

***

The dinning hall was looking extra romantic for dinner. Candles were spread along the long tables and couples dotted the dim hall. Linhardt and Bernadetta were cheerfully reading books at their table, quietly enjoying each other’s presence. Caspar and Petra were having an eating contest. Ferdinand and Manuela held hands and made goo-goo eyes across the table. Outside the Eagles, other couples were celebrating their love.

Lorenz was making loud declarative statements of devotion to Leonie who was doing her best not to cringe as he yet again went over the top. Marianne had somehow convinced the staff to let Dorte the horse into the hall where he enjoyed a pile of hay. Lysithea was batting her eyelids at Cyril. Dimitri and Claude seemed oblivious to the rest of the world and only preoccupied with each other. Hilda was distracting Seteth so Flayn could enjoy a quiet romantic dinner with Ignatz. Alois had brought his wife and daughter to the campus to share the meal. Ashe and Annette cheerfully fed each other. Mercedes was smiling and laughing as Raphael complimented her cookies baked just for him.

Catherine was holding Rhea’s hands. Dedue and Ingrid had against all odds, fallen in love. Shamir was blushing as Jeritza made eyes at her from behind his mask. Byleth showed up with so many fish, apparently caught while waiting for a mysterious note sender. They had fallen in love with a new fishing spot that afternoon. Edelgard smiled and blushed as they gutted the fish in front of her and prepared her a small feast of fillets.

Beside Dorothea in the doorway Hubert was wiping his puffy eyes on his sleeve, “I’m just going to grab something to go. I don’t think I can eat with all these public displays of affection happening.”

“Oh Hubie,” whispered Dorothea as she took his hand, “Not everyone is coupled up. Come on, we’ll, we’ll go sit with Sylvain.”

“Haven’t I been punished enough today?” asked Hubert quietly as more tears came to his eyes. It was unsettling to see his lip tremble that way. Hubert apparently handled rejection just as well as Dorothea.

Sylvain, it seemed, had not gotten to give a single one of of his gifts today. It appeared that people were finally sick of his empty flirting, leaving him with ample candies and trinkets and nary a sweetheart in sight. Instead it was just him, and a large armored bear stuffie that no one wanted to accept from him, sitting alone at a romantically lit table.

Sylvain pepped up at the appearance of the miserable Black Eagles, “Oh hey Hubie, you look—” Dorothea cut him off by drawing a finger across her throat and shaking her head. Sylvain gulped and held up one of his spare gifts, “Anyone want to play this board game with me?”

In the end, they stole a bunch of candles to make their table bright enough to see above the mood lighting. Felix came into the hall to sit with them and clearly had no idea what the heck was going on, “Anna’s Day? Never heard of it.” That didn’t surprise Dorothea in the slightest.

They yelled a lot as their board game play got heated, and successfully drove away all the nearby lovey dovey types cramping their singleton style. The dining hall slowly cleared out leaving the four of them fiercely competing to win the loot — Dorothea’s ample pile of lollipops — and claim glory for their homeland.

As the game died down Dorothea felt a little more at peace having spent Anna’s Day with friends rather than a lover. She looked at Hubie, “Are you okay?”

Hubert’s face wasn’t as puffy and blotchy anymore as he nodded, “I’m fine. I, I hurt a lot but, I think this hurts a little less than forever wondering where I stand.”

Dorothea sighed and nodded, knowing the feeling. “Maybe next year we’ll have sweethearts for Anna’s Day.”

“Maybe, it would be nice to know what it’s like to kiss someone—”

Dorothea was shocked Hubert had never been kissed. She was more shocked as Sylvain leaned over and smacked the mage with a surprise smooch on the lips, “Ah what the hell, happy Anna’s Day sweetheart!”

Well, the peace between the three nations was nice while it lasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes, Sylvain x Hubert, the rarest of rare pairs although there are currently more Sylvain/Hubert fics than Shamir/Hubert fics at last check so...
> 
> Excuse me while I go do all I'm good for, and write some more Hubert-centric fanfic


End file.
